Discovering Yourself vs Creating Yourself

by - November 19, 2014

This post is inspired by so many different people and occurrences that they'd take up my entire blog space if I gave credits. I have always told myself that I am only 21 and that I have not yet discovered myself. I say this while I am in the midst of creating myself. I have two blogs, a YouTube channel, started my own ASOS Marketplace shop and teach and I have been doing all this in the name of "hobbies", "experience" and "fun". I didn't realise that I was in fact creating myself because I don't know what I am creating myself into. I always knew that I was a bit of a fashion and fitness freak who loved a good book but I never knew how to apply this onto my journey of "finding myself" or like I was inadvertently doing, "creating myself". 

After watching Troye Sivan's video on how he was still on a journey of creating himself,  I was inspired to go ahead and write this post. He talked briefly about the kinds of people that inspire him and that even though he had released his debut single he had still not fully created himself. "Art is Risk", he says. Art can be looked at as risk if your art is what you depend on to pay the bills. That is because Art is free, with no restrictions. You can do what you want with it and with that comes the risk. The risk of failure?

The many things I dreamt of becoming as a child were Author, Fashion Designer, Artist, Actress, Dancer. I never really thought these possible to become as I got older. At the age of 8 I was convinced that I wanted to become an author immersed in my first Harry Potter book. I then wrote lots of "books" and even a paperback cover using cereal box cardboard, illustrated it and drew in the barcode and price as neatly as possible. Then sold them to people at school and everyone loved my mermaid stories about falling in love and marrying princes. I would spend hours and hours obsessed with drawing my clothing designs from age 11 which I still do now but without the purpose of getting my designs sewn into real dresses with my prints. I draw portraits, paint and sketch new blog layouts on paper but refuse any money from an art dealer. 

I spent so much time applying to jobs that don't fit with what I believe in and I've been criticised for taking my hobbies too seriously. The truth is, my art is all I ever want to be. 

So why don't I become my art? I am trying, I'm writing my first novel and recording the journey over on my arts blog. I'm painting canvases as bedroom decor looking forward to starting an Etsy shop for it. I'm creating YouTube videos because I love putting together a show. I want to start my own business and carrying out market research right now. All these things might fail, but I'll still be "Creating" myself, not "Discovering" my current failure or success. There's no end to Art.

I'm trying to become my art, and for now, I'm going to see where that takes me. I might not know what I'm becoming yet, but what I do know is that I want to become more and more artistic. 

Tell me how you're creating yourself!

Getty Images via Huffington Post

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